So, in less than two weeks, I'll be in Disneyland!!! WOOHOOO! I'm so beyond excited. I love Disneyland. I cannot wait to see my children's faces when we're there. There really does seem to be something magical about Disneyland. You just can't be unhappy at Disneyland. It's like a rule or something.

I decided to brave the conversation about moving with Drake the other day. It went something like this:

Me: So honey, tell me about these projects coming up at work that you're interested in working on.
Drake: There's nothing to talk about.
Me: What do you mean?
Drake: Talking about it won't change the plans, so there's really nothing to talk about.
Me: So, are you saying that we don't need to talk about it because we're moving up north and nothing is going to change that, or we don't need to talk about it because we're staying down here and nothing is going to change that?
Drake: Moving up north.
Me: Okay honey. I love you!
Drake: You just love my money.
Me: Yeah, that too.

So, wooohoooo, it looks as though plans are still on! I'm so stoked! I cannot wait to be near my family again. I cannot wait for my kids to be friends with their cousins. I cannot wait to be able to start school. I truly do feel as though moving up north will allow my life to start falling into place. I feel like it's the step I need to make to start finally being happy with my life. Don't get me wrong...I am happy for the most part. I just feel like I'm in limbo. I feel like we're just not where we're supposed to be. I feel like I'm not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing. I'm hoping that being near my family will start the process I need to move towards what my life is supposed to be. Impossible expectations? Possibly. I don't care though. I'm going to be with my family, which is where I'm supposed to be.

Drake and I have been having some interesting conversations as of late. Okay, really, as of today. It's cleared a few things up, but at the same time muddied up what I thought I knew. Nothing like destroying the illusion of things you thought you knew. I guess marriage is good for that at times. lol

I've been chatting a bit with Tracey lately. We've made some plans for over Christmas break. I cannot wait to go up there and see my family and her. We've decided that in an effort to prove we're not getting old (which, sadly, we are...) we're going to visit all of our old haunts and live it up a bit. I'm excited at the prospect of going back to the Bay Area. It's been quite a few years since I have been back.

I'm also a little...I don't know...nervous? Worried? I feel as though I can't go back to the Bay Area without visiting my dad's grave. I haven't been there since I moved down to San Diego. I keep meaning to when I'm up north, but I've always let things stop me from doing it. I'm really hoping to not let that happen though. Honestly though, I don't really want to go. I used to go about once a week and be one of those freaks who sits graveside and talks to their loved one. But, it just got more and more difficult as I had more and more things to say to my dad. It all just became too overwhelming. I just wanted to actually be sitting with him, telling him those things. Instead, I was just sitting in a cemetary, crying my eyes out, looking like a freak. So, I just stopped going.

But anyways, I think I'm most excited about going to play pool. Do you know how long it's been since I played pool? Honestly, I don't even know how long it's been! lol We used to go all the time. I probably really suck now. Oh well, it's not about playing well, it's about having fun!

Anyways, that's about all for now!