So, a couple of days ago I called my mom to ask her if my sister in law had had her baby yet. She said that no, the baby wasn't here yet, but that she had a doctor's appointment on Friday and was going to ask to be induced. I figured I'd hear from someone Friday or Saturday depending on when the baby was born. I got a mass email Friday night saying the baby had been born Thursday night. This mass email was basically to everyone and their tennis coach's, roommate's, best friend's, childhood dog's vet. I was beyond hurt. I feel like I'm no more important than joe random person they wanted to tell. 24 hours....24 HOURS my niece had been alive and not a single person called to tell me. Not my brother. Not my sister. Not my mom. No one thought me important enough to call with this important family news. Instead, I find out the same way people my brother and sister in law haven't seen in years found out.

The same damn thing happened when my dad was sick. I called my sister to find out how he was doing (because no one ever called me with updates, but my mom always called my sister) and she said, "Oh, no one told you? He went back into the hospital yesterday. Something went really wrong last night and we've all been at the hospital all day with him." No, WE haven't ALL been at the hospital all day with him. I'VE been at home all day wondering why I can't get a hold of anyone to find out how my dad is doing. Did ANYONE think to call me and tell me to get to the hospital because something went horribly wrong? Of course not, because I'm obviously incredibly low on the "people to call with important family information" list. Why? What have I done so wrong that my family doesn't feel like I need to know these things? I've always lived with the idea that if everyone has a problem with you, chances are, they're not the one with the problem...you are, and it's time to take a step back and look at the way you've been behaving and who you are and figure out what the problem is. I'm doing that. I'm trying to see what I've been doing in my life to make them feel like I'm not a part of the family and am, instead, just a random person on a mass email list. I honestly think that had I not been there, holding my dad's hand as he passed away, I probably wouldn't have heard about it until I called the next day to find out how he was doing. If I hadn't been there, I probably would have called and been told, "Oh, no one told you? He died last night." I don't want to be so unimportant in my family that I don't warrant a phone call with important family news.

I'd like to blame it on the distance. I live ten hours away from everyone else. They don't think to let anyone know who won't immediately be there. However, when my dad was sick, I only lived an hour and a half away. I would have immediately dropped EVERYTHING and been by his side at any time. I want to be closer to them. I plan on uprooting my kids, taking my husband away from a job he loves and moving ten hours away just to be closer to my family. My biggest fear is that I'll do all of that, only to find out it wasn't the distance that was making me feel like I wasn't a part of the family.

I know they don't do it on purpose. However, that makes it all that much worse. It's not that I'm important enough to purposely forget...it's that I'm not important enough to remember.