And still no freaking fabric! Friday...Monday at the latest, my ass. What about my ass, you may say? Yeah, I don't know either.

Speaking of ass, I have some free time while the laundry goes before I need to stick the clothes in the dryer, so I'll share my ass stories with you. Oh goody, stories about Katie's ass! Nah, you only wish you were so lucky. I'm just all over the place tonight...I guess that's what happens when you're up doing laundry at three in the morning. So, here goes:

"Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one .... It's all about Ass!"

"Covering it:" So, when I was about 16 or 17, I went out with some friends of mine. We went roller skating. When we were done roller skating, my friend, Eric, was taking me and another friend, Sean, home. When we got to Sean's house, Sean mentioned that he really didn't feel like going home yet, but seeing as it was almost midnight, there really wasn't anything else we could go out and do. So, we just sat in the car and talked. We were just chatting about life in general and decided that it would be fun to ask eachother random questions that had to be answered truthfully. So, I asked the guys, "If you could kiss any three people in the world, who would they be?" (Kiss? I was such a good girl back then...hmmmm...yeah, that must be it.) Anyways, both of them mentioned two actresses and me. Me?!?!?! Wow, I was horribly flattered. Of course, looking back on it now, with my oh so many years of wisdom, I realize they were probably just skipping to part six of the ass quote: "trying to get a piece of it." At the time though I was just shocked and flattered. So, of course, I had to oblige. Afterall, out of all the millions of women in the world, I was one of the top three they wanted to kiss. Talk about making their dreams come true! LOL It was just a quick peck on the lips though. Not a big deal really. When Sean finally realized that he wasn't getting any...I mean, when Sean finally decided he was going to go into his house, I realized it was three in the morning. I had a midnight curfew!!! So, Eric raced me home and I snuck as quietly as I could into my house. I knew that my parents always realized that it was nights that I didn't check in that I missed curfew. They could always count on the fact that I would check in with them if I got home on time and if I got home late, I never woke them up. Yeah, I was a real sly one. So anyways, hoping and praying that they had gone to bed before midnight, I snuck into their room, flipped their clock around, hoping my mom would be too tired to reach out for it and turn it back around when she went to look at the time, or would just assume I was home on time since I was waking her up and without the bright red numbers staring her in the face, wouldn't even think to look at the clock, and woke my mom up to tell her I was home. She asked, "Did you have a good time?" I said yes, she said, "That's good. Good night." and fell back asleep. Whew...dodged that one!

"Laughing it off:" My friend, Tracey, (who is mentioned earlier in this blahg) is very...ummmm...boisterous when she's having fun. So anyways, we were driving down A Street in Hayward one night and there was this person walking down the street. Tracey starts laughing her ass off and asks me, in her not so inside voice, "Is that a man or a woman? I seriously can't tell!" at which point in time s/he turned and looked at our car with a not too amused look on his/her face. Tracey then exclaimed "Oh shit, my window is down!!! Drive...DRIVE!!!!!!" Between that and "Vanira?" Tracey is a laugh riot. She makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt and my abs hurt the next day.

"Kicking it:" Fortunately, I really don't have any stories about this. I've never been in a physical fight. What can I say, I'm a lover, not a fighter ;)

"Kissing it:" You know, I'm really not one to kiss someone's ass. If I do, I painfully overexaggerate it so it's an obvious ass kissing rather than just a "I'm trying to subtly kiss your ass so you don't know I'm doing it, but still want to give me things because I'm kissing your ass." Yeah, no boring stories for this one...you're spared for now.

"Busting it:" Things have always come really easy for me. I've never had to work very hard for anything I've wanted. The only times I've ever had to bust my ass was when my penchant for procrastination kicks in, and then, it's completely my fault. Afterall, reports that your teachers give you two months to complete really aren't supposed to be finished in a single night.

"Trying to get a piece of it:" I honestly believe that the only reason my husband started dating me was because he heard I was easy. He SWEARS it wasn't, but I really think it was. He made the mistake of mentioning that our common friend, Eric (the one mentioned in the earlier story) told him, "Katie likes you...you should go for her. She'll give you anything you want." Yeah, some friend he was. I think he was just upset because I wasn't sending any lovin' his way. ;) So, basically, I got my husband because he was trying to get a piece of ass...any ass...and mine was convenient and easy...according to my "friend." Thank you Eric :)

"Behaving like one:" I am very...ummmm...loud and happy when I've been drinking. Some people get mean and angry, I'm exactly the opposite. Get me drinking and I love everyone and everything and am not afraid to show it. So anyways, I went out drinking with my friend, Tracey, (I swear, I'm pathetic...she's like my only friend) one night. We had a few shots of tequila. Okay, I had some shots of tequila...Tracey was just a convenient salt lick and lime holder ;) I had a few too many. (I lost count around 13 or so) After we left the bar, we went to Tracey's friend's house. There were about four people there that I had never met. Yes, wonderful time to meet new people...when you're drunk off your ass. So, Tracey introduced me to them and I spent the next hour or so repeating their names back to them...like they didn't already know them or something. I think I may have introduced them to eachother as well. lol Well, at one point I needed to go to the bathroom. Tracey decided she may need to help me with that. (Which was probably a very good idea. So, we're in the bathroom and I'm just falling all over the place. The guy who's house it was came back to find out what was going on. There I was, with my pants around my ankles and he's standing in the doorway. Sadly, the only thing that crossed my mind at that point was, "Oh crap, I can't remember if I shaved my legs before I left tonight. God, I hope I don't have hairy legs." Yeah, that was my biggest problem at that point in time.

So, there are my ass stories.

Off to throw the laundry in the dryer and put Ethan to bed. I have no idea what he's doing up at 3:30 in the morning. Well, I do...he's currently eating a hot dog.