OMG, someone lock me in a closet. I hate it when I get to the point that I realize I'm being totally irrational and overreacting to every little thing and can't seem to stop myself! There are many wonderful things about being pregnant (at least I tell myself there are because so many other women seem to LOVE being pregnant) this is definitely NOT one of them!

My poor kids. They're really great kids. For the most part, they listen, they clean, they get along with eachother, they entertain themselves, etc. Of course, they're kids, so there are times that they don't listen, they don't clean, they don't get along with eachother and they can't find anything to entertain themselves. They're kids...it's expected. I'm usually fairly patient and make a lot of allowances for the fact that they're kids. Of course, they're told what is to be expected and they hear it when they don't do what is expected of them, but really, they're good kids, so I try not to get on their case so much when they slip up. That isn't the case when I'm a raging, hormonal pregnant woman! Oh my goodness...I do NOT like the person I can be at times. I'll find myself yelling at them for doing (or, at times, not doing) the smallest things.

Ethan is three. He gets distracted easily (as all three year olds do). I asked him to pick the pillows up off of the ground (the kids had a slumber party in the living room last night) and put them on the couch. He picked one up, put it on the couch, then got distracted by a water bottle. I told him to put the water bottle down and pick up the pillows. He grabbed another pillow, got distracted by the water bottle again, dropped the pillow on the ground, then played with the water bottle. I told him (in a bit louder voice) to throw the water bottle away and pick up the pillows. He didn't even pretend to start picking up pillows...he just continued playing with the water bottle. I just lost it and started yelling. I HATE yelling. I try SO hard not to do it, but when I'm pregnant it seems that "REALLY loud" is almost my usual voice. :(

Ugh, I just HATE that I lose my temper so easily these days...and over stupid, little things. I have seemingly zero patience and I HATE that! Ugh...I can't wait to have this baby!

Twenty eight years old...ick. Another year closer to thirty. I swear I don't feel old enough to be 28. One of these days I actually plan to feel my age. lol

Anyways, today is a fairly uneventful day. I had a prenatal appointment this morning, which went well. You can read about it in my baby blahg if you want to. Drake stayed home with the kids while I went, so I was able to spend a little bit of time with him after I got home. :) It was nice to be able to just sit around with him. We got to enjoy some time just chatting, talking about the kids, making some plans for the near future, etc. It was really nice. We don't get much (okay, any) time to just sit around and chat, so it was time very well spent. Granted, it was only like fifteen minutes, but hey, I'll take every minute I can get.

The boys sang me happy birthday just now. They're so dang cute. They also gave me a pretend cake to blow out pretend candles on. lol It's unbelievable how much I love these kids. They are my world. I would be so lost without them.

Last night, on the way home from Costco, we passed by this really cute car. It was a BMW 6 series. I told Drake, "If I were single and had no kids, I'd have a car like that." He said, "I'd have an Audi." I said, "No, I think I'd have my Jaguar XK8...yeah...that's more like it...an expensive, gorgeous convertable." It made me think about how different my life would be if I wasn't married and didn't have all these kids. I'd SO much rather drive my huge honkin' minivan full of loud, messy kids that drive me insane daily than drive a gorgeous, sleek convertable jag, live on my own and feel like I'm missing out not having the family I always wanted. I'm so incredibly blessed to have such an incredible family, amazing kids that remind me how lucky I am on a daily basis and a husband that loves me more than anything in the world. I've been very blessed and I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.

I guess today has really been a day of reflecting. There are a lot of times that I feel like maybe I made a mistake in getting married so young...that maybe having more kids than I know what to do with was a bad idea lol, that things would be SO much better if only... You get the idea. Really though, my life is pretty much perfect. It is what I make of it and I get only what I take out of it. Things aren't always great. There are times that I just want to run away from it all and start all over. There are times that I think I just can't handle any more and I feel like I'm doing everything all wrong. However, there are times like today, when my boys bring me a pretend cake with pretend candles and I remember why it is I do what I do...why I can't give up...why I CAN and WILL take everything that is thrown at me and try to do so with grace, strength and with a smile in my heart. It's because I've been given SO much goodness in my life. The bad is NOTHING compared to the joy I have in my life.