So, I was just filling out a bulletin on MySpace and it was about my senior year in highschool. (Yes, I'm one of those irritating ones that feels that they must fill out and repost just about every single bulletin survey that crosses my page) So anyways, it was asking who your best friend was your senior year of highschool and your favorite memory. It brought back a wave of memories of all of the days spent skipping school and going to the beach with my best friend, Anthony, and my friend, Will. Then, it made me sad. I miss Anthony. He was the only person in the world I could be completely honest with. He was the only person I could trust with everything. He was the only person I have ever considered my "best friend." He was so much more than my best friend. He understood me without me needing to explain things. He'd call me out of the blue when I was sad because he "just felt like there was something wrong." Now, he's not here anymore. We lost touch. I blame myself completely and I feel horrible about it. I should have been a better friend.

So, I decided I would try to find him. I looked him up on Zabasearch, Google, MySpace, Classmates.com. US Search...I can't find him anywhere :( So, I decided that maybe I'd look up Will (another person I lost contact with, but that one's a little more understandable considering we had more than just a friendship and I don't think Drake would be all that pleased if I continued that friendship). So, I tried looking him up at all the above places, and for the low low price of $40, I could probably find his address and phone number on US Search, but I'm guessing Anthony has lost contact with Will as well, so it would probably be a waste of money.

So, I'll put it out here in case anyone chances to pass through this blog and knows of Anthony Rhyan. (He started going by Ryan Rhyan though, so chances are that's his name now). He should be 26 years old. He went to San Lorenzo High School in San Lorenzo, CA. If you know him, tell him to email me katie.silva at gmail.com Thanks!






Editing to add an update to this post: Can you believe this actually worked? I guess I'm not the only one who randomly types the names of friends into Google to see what comes up because one of Anthony's friends did just that, found my blog, and he emailed me!!!! :D :D :D :D :D This happened MANY years ago now (It's August, 2009 right now) but I just typed Anthony's name into Google for the fun of it (I just got off the phone with him :D ) and found my post, so I thought I'd update it to let you know the good news!

So, I called my mom to talk to her about how I was feeling...which is so unlike me. (Not the whole calling my mom part, although that's a bit unlike me as well since I really dislike talking on the phone, but the actual talking about things that bother me was the really unusual part) She wasn't home, but she called me back when she got home from work. (It's so odd to say that...my mom NEVER worked outside of the home when I lived at home...mom and work are just two words that so rarely go together in my life) I started off the conversation with, "So, am I the only person in the family that is so unimportant that I had to find out about Darcey having her baby through a mass email?" To which she replied, "I KNEW that was why you were calling. When they told me you called and wanted me to call you back, I knew right away that's what it was going to be about." She proceeded to tell me that she didn't call anyone about the baby being born. She assumed Jay would call people since he's the dad. I asked her, "Did you honestly think Jay would call? I wouldn't expect him to." She said the only reason she even knew the baby was born was because she was babysitting the rest of Jay's kids. She told Heidi (my sister) that Darcey was in labor because Heidi called while my mom was watching the kids. So, she didn't call Heidi about the baby being born either. Louis (my little brother) only knew because he was staying at my mom's house for the weekend. She said that it wasn't that she forgot me, it was just that she didn't call anyone and didn't realize Jay hadn't called anyone until she went to see the baby, and by that time Darcey had already sent out the mass email with pictures of the baby (her name is Olivia.) She said that she went to work the next morning, came home, went straight to bed because it was so cold, went to see the baby, came home and went back to bed, so she didn't talk to anyone. Then, this morning she went back to work, came home, then called me.

I feel a lot better now. I made my mom promise to call me if anyone else had a baby. She said she would.

So, a couple of days ago I called my mom to ask her if my sister in law had had her baby yet. She said that no, the baby wasn't here yet, but that she had a doctor's appointment on Friday and was going to ask to be induced. I figured I'd hear from someone Friday or Saturday depending on when the baby was born. I got a mass email Friday night saying the baby had been born Thursday night. This mass email was basically to everyone and their tennis coach's, roommate's, best friend's, childhood dog's vet. I was beyond hurt. I feel like I'm no more important than joe random person they wanted to tell. 24 hours....24 HOURS my niece had been alive and not a single person called to tell me. Not my brother. Not my sister. Not my mom. No one thought me important enough to call with this important family news. Instead, I find out the same way people my brother and sister in law haven't seen in years found out.

The same damn thing happened when my dad was sick. I called my sister to find out how he was doing (because no one ever called me with updates, but my mom always called my sister) and she said, "Oh, no one told you? He went back into the hospital yesterday. Something went really wrong last night and we've all been at the hospital all day with him." No, WE haven't ALL been at the hospital all day with him. I'VE been at home all day wondering why I can't get a hold of anyone to find out how my dad is doing. Did ANYONE think to call me and tell me to get to the hospital because something went horribly wrong? Of course not, because I'm obviously incredibly low on the "people to call with important family information" list. Why? What have I done so wrong that my family doesn't feel like I need to know these things? I've always lived with the idea that if everyone has a problem with you, chances are, they're not the one with the problem...you are, and it's time to take a step back and look at the way you've been behaving and who you are and figure out what the problem is. I'm doing that. I'm trying to see what I've been doing in my life to make them feel like I'm not a part of the family and am, instead, just a random person on a mass email list. I honestly think that had I not been there, holding my dad's hand as he passed away, I probably wouldn't have heard about it until I called the next day to find out how he was doing. If I hadn't been there, I probably would have called and been told, "Oh, no one told you? He died last night." I don't want to be so unimportant in my family that I don't warrant a phone call with important family news.

I'd like to blame it on the distance. I live ten hours away from everyone else. They don't think to let anyone know who won't immediately be there. However, when my dad was sick, I only lived an hour and a half away. I would have immediately dropped EVERYTHING and been by his side at any time. I want to be closer to them. I plan on uprooting my kids, taking my husband away from a job he loves and moving ten hours away just to be closer to my family. My biggest fear is that I'll do all of that, only to find out it wasn't the distance that was making me feel like I wasn't a part of the family.

I know they don't do it on purpose. However, that makes it all that much worse. It's not that I'm important enough to purposely forget...it's that I'm not important enough to remember.

Today is my baby's birthday! Okay, so he's not a baby anymore. (At least that's what he keeps telling me) Four years ago today, my midwife placed this little (okay, at over ten pounds, not so little) baby boy in my arms. Drake leaned over, kissed me, and said, "Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie," and I was in love. My perfect little Valentine. My precious Cole.

Happy Birthday, my funny Valentine!

So, Drake decided that we were giving a couple bottles of wine as a housewarming gift. Apparently the couple are wine enthusiasts and a coworker of Drake's is getting them a nice wine rack, so the wine will go nicely.

Emma stayed home sick yesterday. She was SO sad because yesterday they had a dunk tank at school for meeting their fundraising goal and they got to dunk their principal and some of their teachers. She was REALLY looking forward to it and was just MISERABLE because she had to miss is. So, we went to the bead store and bought a bunch of beads and Emma made wine glass charms to go along with the bottles of wine that we were getting the couple. They're just little charms that go around the stem of the wine glass so people know which glass is theirs at a party. She picked out some gorgeous beads, but they cost a fortune! She picked out Swarvoski crystals and sterling silver beads. She has good taste. I've taught her well ;) They turned out really quick. Here is her set of six:

She was very pleased with the way they turned out. I was very impressed. She made about twenty five, total. She has a bunch of beads leftover, so we need to figure out something to do with those now :)

So, Drake and I have been invited to a housewarming party for one of Drake's friends. I probably won't go because dealing with the kids in a social situation just isn't fun. Drake, however, will be going, which leaves me with a single question: What do I buy them as a housewarming gift? I met the husband once in passing, but that's it. I have no idea what either person likes/dislikes, etc. Drake hangs out with him once in a while when he goes out with coworkers and friends. I want to purchase them something they will get some use out of. However, I don't know how long they've been married, if they lived together before this, if they have all of the essentials that they need, etc. So, here is the list of possibilities I've come up with so far:

• Italian themed basket: organic pasta, organic pasta sauce, good bread, pasta utensils, bottle of wine and wine glasses


• Candles/candle holder


• Homemade bread and cookbook


• Home Depot gift card


• Vase of flowers


• Lucky Bamboo


• Pottery (stock pot?)


• house plant


• basket with gourmet goodies


• wine and cheese basket


• margarita pitcher with matching glasses


• bakeware


• cloth napkins and napkin rings


• mixing bowls and wooden spoons

I can think of pros and cons for each of the gifts I've listed, but I won't bore you with them. Ugh, just two more days to decide what to get them!

So, Amber "tagged" me. I wasn't entirely sure what that meant, so I went to her blog to see if I could figure it out. There, I found her talking about being tagged, and this survey type thing she filled out for it. I found the comment where she was "tagged," went to that person's blog and saw that they had been tagged and filled out the same survey. So, I guess I'm to fill out this survey, "tag" five more people and force them to go through the same thought process of, "What the heck is 'tagged?'"


1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was 16 years old. I was a Junior in highschool. I was dating Marcus Gaipa.

2. What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was pregnant with my fifth child (Sera). My car had just officially died and wasn't worth repairing, so I was carless (for the next 7 months!) I was preparing for my son, Cole's, 3rd birthday. (He's a Valentine's baby!)

3. Five snacks you enjoy:
Orange Julius; microwaved pepperoni; (cream cheese, cream and sugar), whipped together; vanilla latte; Starbucks mud pie ice cream

4. Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle, To Where You are by Josh Groban, Pretty much all of the songs by the Wiggles

5. Five bad habits:
slacking on housework, biting my nails, playing on the computer instead of doing housework, procrastinating, eating when I'm bored

6. Five things you like doing:
shopping, reading, designing web pages, playing the piano, shopping...yes, I realize I already said that ;)

7. Five things you would never wear, buy or get again:
jeans with a zipper at the ankle, banana clip (although I swear I looked hot in them ;), hypercolor shirt, bright blue eyeshadow, yeah...pretty much any signature 80's item.

8. Five favorite toys:
Well, now that's kinda personal, don't you think?

9. Five people I want tagged -
Amber stole the people I would have normally tagged, so I'm going to go for
Sean
Kelly
Lisa
Adelaide
Okay, so apparently I'm only doing four...they're going to think I'm odd enough.

So, I just got off the phone with my friend, Tracey. She says to me, "You just HAVE to go on this cruise with me in May." Me: "What cruise?" Tracey: "It's a four day cruise down and it's only $350! We would have SUCH a great time! Just think about it...four days with no kids and nothing to do but sit around in the sun and enjoy your time." My first thought was, "I could drive up to my mom's (which is near where Tracey lives) drop the kids off with her or my sister, and go." Then, I started thinking, "But that adds $200 to the cost, just for gas." Then Tracey says, "It docks out of L.A." WOOOHOOOOOO, only $20 for gas...that's not even really enough to count as an added expense! Then I realized...that means I have no one to watch the kids for the four days I'm gone. I could ask Drake to take four days of paid time off to watch them, but he's already going to have to take time off to visit his grandma, then to go to her funeral, then we have our Christmas vacation trip to northern California that he has to save up days off for, so I'm not sure he can take four days off just for me to go on a cruise...let alone, take the time off to spend four full days with the kids! He's never even spent a full day with all of the kids. I'm not sure he's ever spent more than two hours with all five kids. In fact, I'm fairly certain he hasn't. So, four days would be REALLY tough for him. It's tough for me when he's gone for four days and I spend all day everyday with them, so I'm used to it.

I really want to go though. I don't know anyone down here though that I can ask to watch the kids for four days. :( Ugh. It's probably not going to happen, but wouldn't it be lovely if it did? :D

Why do I do stupid things like watch scary movies when I'm all alone? Drake is out with friends again tonight, so what did I decide to do? Watch The Ring 2. Yeah, I'm a smart one. So far so good...Samara hasn't crawled out of my television screen or anything, but I'm sure she'll crawl her way right into my dreams tonight. Yay, fun.

I actually got something done tonight. I took apart my refrigerator and cleaned it from top to bottom. Well...almost. I still need to wash the crisper drawers. I got tired of cleaning it, so I left those for later. I feel like I got something accomplished though, so that's good.

I actually did a little exercising tonight. Very little...but some, so it's a start ;) My arms will probably be sore tomorrow. It felt good though. Okay, it really didn't. I hate exercising. I just want to make it a part of my daily routine, so I guess I have to start somewhere and stick to it until it becomes a habit.

I'm trying to teach myself to play the guitar. Caitlin got a guitar from Santa and wants to learn how to play it. Drake can play, but never has the time, energy or patience to teach her. So, I'm trying to teach myself so I can teach her. Why I think I'll be capable of teaching her, I'll never know. I tried with the piano, which I've played for 22 years, and couldn't, so I probably won't be able to teach her an instrument I just taught myself to play. I figure I had to give it a shot though. Besides, I've always wanted to be able to play the guitar, so no better time than the present to learn, right?

Emma has recently shown an interest in the piano. I think I'll attempt to teach her. The problem with Caitlin is that she doesn't want to learn how to read music, music theory, etc. She just wants to play by ear. Emma, however, seems interested in theory, reading music, etc. So, she should be a bit easier to teach than someone who constantly says, "This is boring, just teach me how to play a song." Emma has a lot more patience than Caitlin does. Caitlin has been doing very well playing by ear though.

I think Drake might be home, so I'm going to end this now so I can spend some time with him :)

So, I knew Drake would be leaving again this month at some point on another business trip. I don't know when it will be though. He's already told work he had to be home the week of Valentine's day though because Valentine's Day is Cole's 4th birthday. So, it will probably be the week after that. Not that big of a deal. What's a week out of the month anyways? I've gotten used to it.

We got bad news last night though. Drake's grandma really isn't doing all that well. She's been put in a hospice home and isn't expected to live much longer. Drake's grandma helped raise him. She absolutely adores him. When I met her, she pulled me aside and said, "You take care of my Drake...he's a very special boy." Drake's mom asked him last night if he wanted to fly out to Hawaii soon to see her. She felt that it would comfort his grandma for her to see him again before she died because they've always been so close. So, Drake may be going out to Hawaii shortly after he gets back from Florida. Then, he'll go back in a few months for her funeral :(

So, I may not be seeing a lot of my husband for the next month. Of course, I think he should go see his grandma and of course, he has to go on his business trip...I just hate him being gone so much. I feel so horribly selfish about this. Then, there's the horribly selfish thought of wanting to go with him. I haven't been to Hawaii in a few years and I'd really like to go again. I want to go because I want to be there for him during a difficult time, but I also want to go because I love it there. How selfish is that of me? We really can't afford it though, so chances are, he'll go alone. Besides, I'd hate for Drake to feel like he has to spend time with me while he's there when he should really be spending time with his family. (I would only go for the funeral trip) Ugh, I'm so horribly selfish.