My beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, amazing little girl, Sera, TOOK HER FIRST UNASSISTED STEPS TODAY!!!!! She was holding Drake's fingers, walking around the living room, then Drake knelt down facing her, pulled his fingers out of her hands, and she WALKED TO HIM!!!!! She took about three steps, then THREW herself into his arms! She could have taken more steps, as she was still perfectly balanced before she got to him, but he just wasn't far enough away to facilitate more steps. I'm just absolutely BEAMING! She, like all of my children, just absolutely amazes me.

Yesterday, Caitlin, Emma and Cole had a tae kwon do tournament. Usually, they're at Mesa College, which is a nice short drive from us (and an even shorter drive from Mitsua, our favorite Japanese market, where we always stop after tournaments and have sushi...YUM!) but this time it was at Southwestern College. Where is Southwestern College, you might ask? ALL THE FREAKING WAY DOWN IN CHULA VISTA!!!! That's practically in Mexico! (At least compared to me. lol) Granted, it's only like a 35 minute drive, but I SO didn't want to drive it.

Anyways, I digress... We went to the tournament. It started with warm ups, which their instructor led, so the kids thought that was great. You know, at the last tournament, I noticed that their instructor (Sa bum nim Matt Armstrong) had about 8 times as many students as the rest of the instructors that were there. I had wondered at the time, why that was. I think I've figured it out though. He's just an incredibly charismatic guy. Not only that, but he is awesome with the kids. They absolutely adore him. Of course, he's a great teacher as well, so that doesn't hurt. But, I have seen many of the other instructors lead the warm ups for the kids (we're talking like 500 or so kids) and you just don't get the response from the kids with the other instructors as you do with Matt. I think that's what really makes the difference for him. He makes the kids want to show up. He makes the kids want to stick with it. He makes the kids enjoy what they're doing. So, a LARGE number of his kids stick with it and keep showing up session after session after session, and they spread the word and their friends start going as well. I just don't know that the other instructors have that kind of response. And the number of kids I saw were ONLY the ones who showed up at the tournament! All of the kids classes have something like 30+ kids in them, and only like 4 or 5 from each class show up at the tournament, so you can only imagine how many students he actually has when he had like 70+ students at the tournament!

Anyways, again, I digress... So, girls sparring competition was first. Emma got fourth place and Caitlin got first! I was so proud of them! Emma got a kick to her lower back, which took her out for a bit, but she recovered enough to finish her fights. Then came boys sparring. Cole was eliminated in the first round, but he did awesome! He's only 4 and kids don't usually start until they're 5, but because he has two older sisters in classes, Sab bum nim Matt allowed him to start at 4, so he's really the smallest in his age division. (He's in the 5-7 year old category) Next came the kata competition. Caitlin and Emma did wonderfully. Emma did palgae 3 the best I have EVER seen her do it. Caitlin made a few mistakes (which is odd for her) but she kept going and finished strong, which is exactly what she was supposed to do. Cole also did an incredible job! He didn't forget a single move and didn't seem nervous at all! I'm so incredibly proud of all of them. Cole did Palgue 1 and the girls did Palgae 3. Cole is a yellow belt, first degree (although, he just passed his advancement test and will be receiving the rank of yellow belt, second degree next week) and the girls are purple belt, second degrees (although they also just passed their advancement tests and will be recieving their green belts next week!) Here are the palgues that they did:

Palgue one:

Palgue 3:
I think one of the things I feel bad about the most in regards to moving is taking the kids away from their current tae kwon do classes. When we move, the girls will have just received the rank of blue belt, second degree. I hate the thought of moving them somewhere new, sticking them with a new instructor and them having to feel like the new kid. I hate the thought that their new instructor isn't going to know what they can do, know their names, and have the same bond with them that Matt does. More than even taking them away from their school and all of their friends, taking them away from their tae kwon do classes is going to be the most difficult part of moving. :( I can only hope that they will have as much of a positive experience in their new class as they have in the classes they're currently attending.

Wanna see two of the most beautiful people in the world? Well, here you go:


Yes folks, that's right...my girls went back to school today! Aren't they beautiful?

Tomorrow is the first day of school! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I was chatting with a friend this morning and she was saying that she overheard one woman ask another, "Are you looking forward to school starting?" and the woman replied that she really wasn't. Of course, this led to the question, "How can you NOT be excited about school starting back up?!?!?!?!?" That's when she realized that the woman in question was a teacher. LOL

My friend, Tracey, said that on the first day of school, she and friends had a "mother's day" celebration. They dropped their kids off at school, then sat around playing poker and drinking all day. Sounds like a good start to the school year. lol

I can't believe my girls are getting so big. Caitlin's in third grade and Emma's in first! I just don't feel old enough to have kids those ages! Cole will be starting Kindergarten next year, then Ethan the next. Crazy...just crazy. We went and got all of their back to school supplies today. They got new clothes and shoes a couple of weeks ago. Short of a new backpack for Caitlin, I think we're set!

Sera has been a real handful lately. I don't know what is up with her, but she just won't stop screaming. She went from this perfect little angel who NEVER cried, to this needy, whiny toddler who never STOPS crying. I'm about at wits end. It's driving me crazy! I don't know how we're going to handle her at Disneyland next week! I'm just hoping all of the stuff will keep her interest and give her something to do other than scream. I'll have her in the stroller, so she should just be able to fal asleep when she gets tired...we'll see if that actually happens though. She rarely goes to sleep without a fight. Speaking of fight...she does something that I find really cute. Drake finds it a bit irritating, but I think it's adorable. If I try to hug Drake, she gets all pissed and pushes me away from him. I think she thinks she owns him. She'll scream and just push me until I'm no longer touching him, then she'll grab his legs, ask to be picked up, lay down on him, whatever...just to establish that he's hers. LOL Sometimes I'll hug him just to irritate her.

So, DISNEYLAND next week!!! YIPPPEEEEEE!!!! Goodness, I love that place! I'm so excited. (Like you couldn't tell or something lol) I feel like a little kid. I bet you anything I won't be able to sleep the day before we go. LOL I'm such a dork. So, who wants a postcard? lol

Since I don't own a pair of prescription sunglasses and I'm pretty much blind without my glasses, I think I'm going to buy a hat for our trip. I'm concerned that I'll look like a total dork in a hat though. (Yes, I realize that we've established that I actually am a total dork, but I don't have to look like one as well!) According to someone I know, visors went out in the 80's. I think I want one though. lol I think I'll head on over to Pac Sun while the girls are in school tomorrow to see what I can find :D I think I saw a cute camo Roxy visor that I might just try on :)

So, in less than two weeks, I'll be in Disneyland!!! WOOHOOO! I'm so beyond excited. I love Disneyland. I cannot wait to see my children's faces when we're there. There really does seem to be something magical about Disneyland. You just can't be unhappy at Disneyland. It's like a rule or something.

I decided to brave the conversation about moving with Drake the other day. It went something like this:

Me: So honey, tell me about these projects coming up at work that you're interested in working on.
Drake: There's nothing to talk about.
Me: What do you mean?
Drake: Talking about it won't change the plans, so there's really nothing to talk about.
Me: So, are you saying that we don't need to talk about it because we're moving up north and nothing is going to change that, or we don't need to talk about it because we're staying down here and nothing is going to change that?
Drake: Moving up north.
Me: Okay honey. I love you!
Drake: You just love my money.
Me: Yeah, that too.

So, wooohoooo, it looks as though plans are still on! I'm so stoked! I cannot wait to be near my family again. I cannot wait for my kids to be friends with their cousins. I cannot wait to be able to start school. I truly do feel as though moving up north will allow my life to start falling into place. I feel like it's the step I need to make to start finally being happy with my life. Don't get me wrong...I am happy for the most part. I just feel like I'm in limbo. I feel like we're just not where we're supposed to be. I feel like I'm not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing. I'm hoping that being near my family will start the process I need to move towards what my life is supposed to be. Impossible expectations? Possibly. I don't care though. I'm going to be with my family, which is where I'm supposed to be.

Drake and I have been having some interesting conversations as of late. Okay, really, as of today. It's cleared a few things up, but at the same time muddied up what I thought I knew. Nothing like destroying the illusion of things you thought you knew. I guess marriage is good for that at times. lol

I've been chatting a bit with Tracey lately. We've made some plans for over Christmas break. I cannot wait to go up there and see my family and her. We've decided that in an effort to prove we're not getting old (which, sadly, we are...) we're going to visit all of our old haunts and live it up a bit. I'm excited at the prospect of going back to the Bay Area. It's been quite a few years since I have been back.

I'm also a little...I don't know...nervous? Worried? I feel as though I can't go back to the Bay Area without visiting my dad's grave. I haven't been there since I moved down to San Diego. I keep meaning to when I'm up north, but I've always let things stop me from doing it. I'm really hoping to not let that happen though. Honestly though, I don't really want to go. I used to go about once a week and be one of those freaks who sits graveside and talks to their loved one. But, it just got more and more difficult as I had more and more things to say to my dad. It all just became too overwhelming. I just wanted to actually be sitting with him, telling him those things. Instead, I was just sitting in a cemetary, crying my eyes out, looking like a freak. So, I just stopped going.

But anyways, I think I'm most excited about going to play pool. Do you know how long it's been since I played pool? Honestly, I don't even know how long it's been! lol We used to go all the time. I probably really suck now. Oh well, it's not about playing well, it's about having fun!

Anyways, that's about all for now!

So, we're still planning on a Disneyland trip...possibly as early as labor day weekend. My mother in law was supposed to go with us, but she can't on labor day weekend and may not be able to get the time off of work even later in the month, so rather than possibly completely missing out on it, we're just going to go ahead with our plans without her. I could have really used the help with the kids though. lol Disneyland with five kids and only two adults just doesn't sound like fun to me! lol Thankfully, most of the rides that Caitlin and Emma can go on that the boys can't will seat at least three people per car, so Drake or I can take them both and won't have to wait in line twice. I'm not sure what we're going to do about the rides that the boys can go on as well, but not Sera. Sera freaks out on the tram ride at the Wild Animal Park, so I imagine rides at Disneyland aren't exactly going to be her idea of fun! She may surprise us though...who knows. We're trying to decide whether to stay at the Disneyland Hotel, Paradise Pier, or just at the Embassy Suites down the road. I think we're leaning towards the Embassy Suites. However, I would really love to stay at the Disneyland Hotel. I've always wanted to. I just think it would be better to use the money we'd save by staying at Embassy Suites and put it towards buying stuff at the park instead. Plus, Embassy Suites does an awesome cooked to order free breakfast, which could save us even more money that we can spend at the parks. lol We're planning on four nights at the hotel and three day park hopper tickets. I already have our route and ride plans mapped out. I'm actually being organized for once. WOOHOOOO! Go Katie!

The girls are starting school again next week. I cannot WAIT for that day to come! They're just going crazy being at home. All I ever hear these days is, "I'm bored! What can we do? Can we go out? Can we go get Starbucks? There's nothing to do! Our house is so booooooooring." JUST GO TO SCHOOL ALREADY!!!! I really miss year round school. Three months is just WAY too long for them to not be in school! lol With year round school it was three months on, one month off. One month was the perfect amount of time to relax, recoop from school, go on vacation, etc. I think all school's should adopt a year round plan. My sanity could really use it. This year Emma will be going to school for the full day. I'm also excited about that. lol No more making three trips to school everyday! No more feeling like I can't get anything done in the morning because I had to stop everything midmorning to take Emma to school. No more putting off Sera's naps because I didn't want to have to wake her to take Emma to school. It's just going to be all around so much better.

Speaking ofSera, she's starting to take steps now! She's still really hesitant to let go of the couch or whatever and actually walk, but every once in a while, she'll actually do it! Go Sera! She does great while holding my hand and barely uses me for support at all, so I know it's just a matter of getting up the nerve to let go and do it on her own. She's getting so big. It's all going by way too quickly. Where did my baby go? :( This is most likely our last child (although I really don't want it to be :( ) so I'm in no rush to have her off and running. I love carrying her around everywhere we go. I'm not looking forward to the days when I try to carry her and she whines, "No, I walk!!!!"

So, the plans of moving up north may be changing once again. Drake seemed really gung ho about moving next year. We had decided that we'd try to let the girls finish the school year out down here, but if we couldn't get a month to month lease on this place when our year here was up, we'd just be moving in April (as long as Drake had been able to find a new job by then.) However, Drake has been having thoughts of wanting to stay here for a while longer. Apparently there are some really interesting projects coming up at work that he would like to be a part of. So, where does that leave me? Probably licking my wounds, sucking it up and saying, "Okay, honey. I understand and support you. It's not so bad down here, we can do this for a few more years," and being miserable until the next time he throws out, "I think we should make plans to move up north and be closer to your family," and starts the process all over again, only to once again, pull the rug out from underneath me and tell me he wants to stay here. You'd think I'd learn not to get excited about it anymore. This time, I actually thought it was going to happen though. :(

I hate it when you have so much running through your mind that you can't even get it to stop long enough to focus on a single thought. So, you have no hopes of working things out, or lessening the number of things on your mind because you can't focus long enough to concentrate on any one of your problems.

That's how I'm feeling today. I'm just overwhelmed with life. Between finances, children, husband, the future, and just life in general, I feel like everything is spiraling out of control. I feel like I need to just sit down and take one issue at a time and work on it, but I have neither the time, energy, or know how to do so. Besides, there are some that are intertwined, and working on one would affect the other, causing even more chaos.

Ugh...I just need a vacation. I just need to get away from life for a bit. I'm sure everyone feels that way every once in a while. Honestly, sometimes I just wish I wasn't married, didn't have kids, didn't have the responsibilities that I chose in this life. Of course, then, I sit back and think about all of the blessings I have in my life. My life would be drastcally different if I had followed a different path. My children are my absolute life. They mean more to me than anything in this world. I would be absolutely lost without them and my life has been tremendously blessed by their presence and their love. Everything that has happened in my life that led to me having these incredibly people in my life can be considered nothing but good.

Sometimes I just feel like I need a break though...just some time to myself to help me remember just how lucky I am. lol

So, I'm tired of all the happy, upbeat songs I have on my workout playlist, so I decided it's time to get an all new playlist. These are the songs I have for it thus far:

Eminem - Run Rabbit Run
Atreyu - Ex's and Oh's
Barenaked Ladies- One Week
The Roots & BT - Tao of the Machine
Breaking Benjamin - The Diary of Jane
Buckcherry - Next to You
Bush - Machinehead
Disturbed - Get Psycho
Drowning Pool - Let the Bodies hit the Floor
Eminem - Lose Yourself
Eminem and Shaggy- Eye of the Tiger
Korn - Blind
Korn - Here to Stay
Limp Bizkit - Nookie
Linkin Park - By Myself
Lisa Lashes - Operation Blade
Loverboy - Working for the Weekend
MOP - Ante Up
Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit
Papa Roach - Last Resort
Rage Against the Machine - Bulls on Parade
Rammstein - Du Hast
Rob Zombie - Dragula
Rob Zombie - Superbeast
Rocky Soundtrack - Eye of the Tiger
Scars of Life - Bullet with your Name
Sean Paul - Shake that Thing
Sublime - Seed
U2 - Vertigo

So, there's my semi elclectic workout music! I'm excited to get Emma's iPod on (because,doesn't it figure, my six year old has an iPod and I don't) and go jogging!

So, I changed the look of my blog. I don't know why I started with that statement considering the reaction of those who normally read my blog would be, "No, Really?!?!?!? You don't say. I didn't notice the drastic change from BRIGHT FREAKING YELLOW to black, pink and grey. Thank you Captain Obvious!" and those who, for some reason, are reading this blog for the first time today, or may run across this post in the future will probably have the response of, "Ummmm....okay. So what? I didn't know what it looked like before, so it doesn't matter to me that it was changed."

Anyways, a good deal of time was spent finding the perfect icon graphics for the top of the page. (If you're reading this thinking, "Icon graphics? What on earth are you talking about?" you're probably reading this post pretty far in the future considering I don't change my layout very often.) Each icon was hand selected by moi to share a little bit about me! So, feel free to read them, think about them, overanalyze them...whatever. Yes, that's an order.

Oh, the cuppycake graphic doesn't have anything to do with me...I just thought cuppycake was cute and I plan on calling at least one person "cuppycake" in the future, and I plan on it being totally unexpected and make them go, "WHAT?!!?!?! Cuppycake? Katie...you're strange." Why yes, thank you, I am...glad you noticed :)

Would you like to know how boring of a life I lead? No? Too bad. Tonight, my fun filled, ever so adventure filled life is going to include being all by myself (well, if you don't count the five trillion little kids I have), eating brie and salami. I thought I'd treat myself since it was such a...ummm...special?...night. Of course, this is only after the ever so fun task of rewashing a ton of dishes, washing of toilets, sinks, etc., and running of water from every faucet, appliance, etc. to empty my pipes and hot water tank of the lovely e. coli contaminated water. We've been under a water boil order since yesterday because e. coli was found in the public water system....nice. So, everything I've washed since at least Friday was washed in fecal tainted water. Gross. The kids did, however, get a kick out of washing their hands and brushing their teeth with bottled water. Little things impress kids.

Sera does the cutest thing lately. When you go to take a picture of her, she makes this silly face. I guess she thinks it's a smile or something. Apparently she takes after me and can't force a smile that looks real. The kids figured out that all you have to do is use your fingers to pretend you're holding a camera and say, "say cheese!" and she makes the face as well. I'll have to upload a picture when I get a chance. I haven't been able to capture it just perfectly yet because my camera takes a second to focus before it actually takes the picture, and she doesn't hold the face for very long, so by the time my camera actually takes the picture, she's smiling a normal smile. One of these days I will get it on camera and it will be worth the effort because it's just the funniest thing.

We went and did some back to school shopping today. I hate shopping for clothes for my girls. I hate the fact that they market such trampy clothing to little girls. I hate the fact that, due to that marketing, my seven year old thinks that pants with "cutie" on the bum and strappy little shirts are so cute and JUST what she needs to wear to school! I also hate the fact that, after spending hundreds of dollars on clothing, Caitlin isn't fond of much of it because it isn't the trampy whorish clothing she wanted to buy. You know what I think I hate the most though? I hate that so many other kid's parents allow their children to wear such clothing. If Caitlin didn't have friends who dressed in that stuff, she wouldn't feel like she HAD to have it and wouldn't feel like she was going to be so uncool because her mom insisted she had to buy cute, modest clothing. She used to not care what anyone else thought of her. She used to be really into trying to start her own trend, or just wearing whatever she wanted because she liked it. Whatever happened to that independant, strong willed little girl? Why did she have to go the way of the average girl who wants to be just like everyone else? I had hoped that I could put into the minds of my girls that it's perfectly acceptable, and in fact, rather cool, to be your own person...to wear what you want to wear, not what everyone else thinks is cool, to wear your hair however you wanted to wear it and not worry aobut what other people said to you because as long as you liked it and were happy, it doesn't matter what everyone else things. Caitlin has become very much the conformist though, which saddens me a bit.

We did, however, end up with a lot of cute Roxy clothes (I love Roxy!) and some really cute O'Neil capris for Caitlin. We found some decent jeans at Old Navy and I'm going to buy the girls some Baby Legs because they want to have something that makes it so they can wear t-shirts, but stil have something covering their arms that they can take off if they get hot. I'll bet they'll be the only kids at school with those...I'm hoping it will be something that other kids think is cool, rather than lame, or that if other kids do think they're lame, my girls are strong enough to think, "Whatever, I think they're cool, so I'm going to wear them."

So, it's August. School starts at the end of this month...thank goodness! The girls are getting so restless and are hating being at home so much. I had really hoped to get out a lot this summer, but that just didn't seem to happen and here it is, almost the end of summer vacation.

With the beginning of a new school year, comes Caitlin's birthday. She was four when she started Kindergarten, but turned five shortly thereafter. She's one of the youngest in her class. Anyways, she was making a list the other day of the kids she wants to invite to her birthday party. Oh my goodness...next month my little girl is going to be EIGHT!!!! How on earth did all of this time pass? How did this tiny little, not even eight pound baby, all of a sudden get old enough to be turning EIGHT? It makes me very sad that time is passing by so quickly. I just want my kids to stay little forever. They're not supposed to grow up!!!! At least not until I'm ready for them to.

She's starting third grade this month. THIRD GRADE?!?!?!?!?! How on earth did that happen? She's turning into such an incredible, self assured, wonderful young lady. Before I know it, she'll be going into middle school...then highschool...then college...then... I just want her to stay little :(